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A shirt with a cruiser to help you get uncagedThe Five Stages of Immovability are:

  1. Ennui

I’m ready to get outside! My poor bike, the Bee, has cobwebs in the spokes.
What is it that keeps us from doing the right thing and just going outside? May I offer this really good excuse? Here goes:

The Pandemic! Yes, the Pandemic. I’m not saying the Pandemic caused the ennui, and I AM saying I responded to the Pandemic by being ennui-ic. I mean ennui-iy. Okay, that’s not right… lethargic. Yeah, did you feel that way too? It all seems so long ago but for a good while after I closed the doors to the house and didn’t risk going out and resided in my own Safe House, things just started to feel under my control. When, just outside mind you, was Pande-fuckin-monium. So, I responded to all that by locking and barring said closed doors, essentially making a Safer House, and letting myself recede from the Rest of the World.


2) Blursday

What day is it today, anyway? It’s SO MUCH like yesterday, which was VERY LIKE the day before, and, dare I say it, the SPITTIN’ IMAGE of the day before that. It’s very much a blur. We now have a word for that, folks.

3) The Devil

Pop Quiz: Who’s keeping you inside? What force in the Universe is contracting all the energy you have into Ba ball the size of a pea when just a little while ago all that energy filled your entire being and then some? And if I ask this question in a way that bicyclists understand and appreciate, “What’s keepin’ me from hoppin’ onto the saddle?” There’s only one answer, and he has horns, a diabolical goatee and a tail with an arrow-like pointer on the end.

4) The realization that bicycles don’t sting

The Bee is the name of my bike. The Bee is made by Specialized. The model is Work. Here’s a link to find out what it looks like fresh off the showroom floor. I have a thing for bees (who doesn’t?) so it was important for me to call the bike something bee-ish and work-ish at the same time. Full name: Worker Bee.  So, then, now that the etymology is all figured out and ‘splained, let me ask you this: What would the Bee say to me if he could talk? The Bee is just my name, I’m a bike.

 5) Uncaged!

What’s the word for that feeling called when you coast out of the driveway and look up and see the sky, really see it, for the first time in the day?